"What is pitchcapping," the little boy asked excitedly as the soldiers prepared his head.
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My wife kept leaving the bleach bottle open while she was cleaning, so it would only be a matter of time before our son drank it.
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I was told that I could be my son's only possible match for a kidney because of his rare blood type, but I wouldn't even let them test me.
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My parents said that they used to hear me talking to my imaginary friend every night when I was a kid.
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I like playing tea party with Mommy.
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When I came home from work early today and found my wife half-naked in bed covered in sweat, I got angry and stormed out before she saw me.
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It had been a long time since I saw my daughter, so I needed to try to think of something to break the ice.
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I cut her brake lines because I didn't like the way she kept smiling and waving at my husband every morning.
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My son was surprised when I told him that I was taking him skydiving because his mom would never let him do anything like that.
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The little girl still used her last wish to free the genie even though she knew it would cancel all other wishes.
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I broke the one rule in our home that I swore there would be dire consequences for everyone if it were to be broken.
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"I told you that you're not allowed to have one of those extreme breeds in the building,' my landlord said, nervously aiming the gun at Cooper.
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My wife cried when I put the gun up to the donkey's head and said, "The donkey is just dead weight; he has to go."
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I had a one-night stand with a stranger because my husband couldn't get me pregnant, and I wanted a child.
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I invented a device that could let me speak directly to God, so I could ask him what my purpose in life was.
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All my life I was promised that when I die, I would go to heaven.
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I found my wife in bed with my neighbor, and instead of shooting them both like I wanted to, I tied them up in the basement.
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"I'm sorry, honey," my wife said, "but I'm leaving you today; I feel trapped, and you keep guilting me into staying.
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We got a pet rat for my son hoping it would stop us from buying a new mouse every other day.
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"No," I said, correcting my son while pointing to the picture in his book, "you mean who is the man on the moon."
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I got the worst news ever today after hearing that my two kids died and my wife was fighting for her life while trying to escape a forest fire near our home.
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"You can stay here with your child and you both die, or you can let me take her and you both live," he smirked, lowering his gun.
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"I'm sorry honey, but you know that mommy can't drive you to school; she's dead!"
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"Mom, can I sleep in your bed tonight because Grandpa is making me feel very uncomfortable over the way he keeps staring at me?"
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My daughter ran away from home again when I told her that her dad had contacted me and wanted to see her.
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