I feel doomed, I learned something I wasn’t supposed to know

My whole life I’ve been really into philosophy and spirituality. While I was agnostic, I had some repressed feelings of spirituality that I just couldn’t fully convince myself of.

Recently I started using shrooms and after trying them out a few times I got comfortable and took some alone for the first time and they were way stronger than I was expecting. Before the trip I set the intention of learning about myself and the universe.

The first part of the trip was good, I saw some fun colors as I watched philosophy videos. But once I started peaking it was too much for me to handle and I started losing it. I went through ego death but it was very long and drawn out because I had forgotten what was going on and thought that some greater power was killing me. This whole time I’m in a state of psychosis thinking I’m really dying and crying screaming.

When I finally give into the ego death I feel the universe pour into me as I become a god and can feel the whole universe and everything in it. Normally that would sound pretty cool to become a god connected with everything, and it was euphoric for 10 seconds before the intense weight and loneliness of existence. It was just me, alone, for all eternity. This makes me freak out even more. I was now completely naked and it didn’t even seem like I was in my room, I thought I was floating in an endless void and that it had been a few years. I managed to remain still and cry myself sober. But then I couldn’t sleep all night because I was thinking of the implications all night. I also thought that I completely ruined my life by learning what I learned.

Since this I’ve been terrified that this was real and this is what will happen when I die. I know it can be explained by chemistry but this was too real, I felt it so vividly that I thought I was on the plane of a god and was looking down at the universe. But if I’m doomed to this fate, how am I supposed to enjoy life if I know it end in an eternity of pain? (Also I think this happens to everyone but when I gave in an joined the god consciousness it still felt like just me)

I figured Yall might be able to tell me something I need to hear because I still have felt totally empty since this trip.

Edit: I was definitely hesitant to post this bc it’s hard to describe what happened and I’ve been an atheist all my life so while I’m interested by spirituality I never took it seriously. And after reading all of your comments, I don’t blame myself for not believing bc half of y’all make 0 sense and then those of u that do make sense seem to be trying to shit on what happened saying that I didn’t go through ego death bc it didn’t match what they believe, well guess what assholes y’all don’t know anything either so idk why ur trying to pass off as some spiritual guide when I came here for help. And to those of you who actually tried helping me I appreciate it, I’ll be sure to look into some of the recommendations y’all gave me.