Good enough revenge?

I discovered my husband of 25+ yrs had an affair for 18 months. She lives in opposite coast, so it was mainly over the phone but became a consistent and ongoing relationship. They only met 2 times in person. The woman participated freely knowing I existed and was being deceived. She followed rules on contact so I was not alerted and all the other despicable affair behaviors. I discovered it 9 months after it ended. She was in a marriage that required financial togetherness, but they lived separate lives. By the time I found out they had sold family home and moved to their own places.

I called and spoke to her a few weeks after I found out. She lied about everything I asked. Why talk to me if you’re going to lie? She told me her family knew about affair. I waited 2 months and sent letters to her husband and 20-something daughters to share the news. I alerted her over text that the news was about to break, but she tried to convince me they knew.

Well once the letters arrived, she really flipped her lid bc obviously they didn’t know and I just blew up her world. About 6 months later, I discovered text messages (iCloud storage!) that confirmed physical infidelity on their only meeting other than first meeting. I pretended to be him and texted her from a new number so I was able to hear her vent to him about the damage I caused with the first letter. YEAH! Daughters stopped contact and cut her out of their lives and word spread to her sisters and nieces.

A month later, I sent her letter telling her I found out about the physical infidelity and threated her with all the screenshots I had going to send to her daughters. I was hoping it would weigh heavily on her mind so I waited a full 6 weeks and sent letter to the daughters with a bunch of grotesque screenshots. (BTW, I think the husband doesn’t care bc never heard from him.) The daughters had to have been shocked at their mother’s behavior and her sexting language. They texted my husband (couldn’t block bc didn’t know their numbers) saying they were aware of affair and wished to not be involved in their mother’s business. She tried to reach my husband but I was able to intercept her emails, so he never saw them. She then used LinkedIn and did reach him. She tried to threaten me with police, restraining orders, etc. He told her to do whatever you want but he’s done with all of it. If this all sounds childish, it actually started as therapeutic journaling, that did help me but honestly my world was so decimated that I didn’t really care how it made me look or the backlash on me. I was already at rock bottom. And before you tell me my actions should have been funneled towards my husband, he was dealing with the brunt of my anger etc. I had so much anger, hurt, trauma that I had more than enough to go around. The issue is she knew I existed and willingly became the other woman, so she shouldn’t get off without consequences. If more women did the right thing the impact wouldn’t be at damaging. I do realize they are both damaged people.

So now for the latest, at some point she called me from her work to try to get around the blocked numbers but I recognized the area code, now I had her work number!! I sat on it for 6 more months and called her work one day to ask if they could rely a message to her. Well her daughter was getting married in 2 weeks a few hours from my location so I told them the message was: “I didn’t get my wedding invite, but I would be seeing them at the wedding at (Place) and she needs to stop sleeping with married men”. Coworker told me I should tell her this myself and I said I would but she’s not available. Her coworker was forced to alert her for fear I did show up at the wedding. I was able to figure out the location and named it specially so it was clear I knew where and when it was. I hoped that for 2 weeks she worried and stressed over the potential arrival of me. She used Linkedin to warn me about security and arrest of I arrived. Her best friend reached out to my husband (again couldn’t block her number) but he ignored her. That was 15 months after I found out so I’m now at 18 month of dealing with all of this… the same as their affair tenure.

I feel Hiroshima had happened for her a multiple times. Actually feels good to know her choices had consequences and possibly damage altho I’ll never see it as comparable to mine. I’ll leave this with: did I do a good job of getting some revenge?

UPDATE : for those of you who think I am staying, Come on people, can’t you see I’m more strategic than you’re giving me credit for and that I play the long game?? I am being very calculated to avoid reacting prematurely bc I believe that may hurt my children worse. Did I say I was staying with him? I said I haven’t made any PERMANENT moves. Currently I am waiting for him to get a job so he can move out and then he will get his due. He will have irreversible relationship impacts but the financial impact will be what hurts him the most. Come on people, you didn’t think I would allow him to not feel the same pain he caused all of us? I just need to do it in a calculated and intentional way. It’s still a work in progress and will involve lawyers etc. I’m not sure the end impact will be known anytime soon but I feel like I can put the “other woman” behind me based on the above.

Destroying him now destroys my children’s future, so don’t you worry, I know what I’m doing. I can’t believe people interpret this as I am letting him off the hook. It’s a timing issue. Division after 25 years isn’t an overnight thing and I’m making sure I protect my interests.