Regret

Hi. Had an abortion when I was 28 at 6 weeks. At the time I felt no remorse, so shame, and honestly, relieved. I was living with my boyfriend (now husband) and we had no money for a child and abortion was far less expensive than having a kid in our situation. But after I had the abortion I told my then boyfriend, now husband, that I would never do that again. We got married when I was 29 and I fell pregnant at 30. I was terrified. I had a lot of complications during birth and so did my baby, but we are here today, happy and healthy.

I feel so much guilt now and have felt guilty for a long while. I also am still so paranoid to get pregnant again bc pregnancy and birth was so scary to me that I'm now in therapy and psychiatry with diagnosed PTSD from child birth. I don't wanna go into detail about my birth but it was petrifying. If I get pregnant again ofc I'll have the child bc I'll never have another abortion, but I'm currently abstaining from sex and my husband obviously does not like it. He's kind but I can tell it bothers him. I am so scared to get pregnant again bc of what it did to me. The amount of guilt I feel for having an abortion is wild and the amount of PTSD I got from having a child is wild. Idk.