I can't find a reason...

Hello Universe, it's been a while since I've written to nobody in particular. Sometimes, I need to just put it out there into the cosmos...so, here it is ..

I'm losing the battle. The battle of my mind and spirit. Every day I wake up and think, "why?". I float through this world with no purpose and no reason. I wake up, go to work, pretend everything is okay, go home to an empty apartment, and count the minutes until I go to bed and begin it all over again.

I've given up on Love. I dream of it, wish for it, but, it'll never happen. Nobody will find me attractive, besides, I'm a ghost. Nobody sees me when I walk down the road. So, I feel as if I'll be alone forever. Just like tonight, sitting in my dark room, alone with my thoughts...

And, there's the problem, my thoughts. The darkness that stirs in my head. There's nothing I look forward to, nothing I get excited for. I don't live, I merely exist, taking space with no real purpose.

I'm exhausted, exhausted from faking happiness at work, exhausted from the loneliness and depression, and mostly exhausted from convincing myself it's worth sticking around. This false dream that one day I'll magically find a reason to care about living, because honestly, right now, I don't see it.

I just don't care... What's the point?

I don't expect an answer, or need one.

I keep thinking about that Liam Neeson movie, The Grey. A line that resonates in my mind, "I've stopped doing this world any real good."