I Chose to Live.

I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting for so long for an update, I was scared to make this post because it felt like this post would feel disingenuous along with my previous ones being that im still alive to make it. (if you don't know what I'm talking about then check here)

I did in fact go walk out there with my revolver that night still fully intending to die, but there was a lot of people in my pms telling me how much they related to my situation and how they were probably gonna do it themselves too. Seeing all of those, all the comments praying I was still alive, and everyone's overwhelming support, it made me realize that there's still people here who care about me, and I can't just abandon them. Don't get me wrong, my head is still fucked and I still would really like to die, but if there's still people out there like me and I have the power to influence their decision, then I choose to stay here and suffer in hopes that those people may one day be able fix themselves, that I might be able to fix myself.

I fired off my one and only bullet that I had brought for myself into the nearby pond and I walked back home, not happy or sad, but...content I guess would be the best way to put it. As much as I just want to be in the fucking dirt already, I realize now that my fate is to stay here and suffer in rememberence of those who couldn't bear it, and those who are also fighting through Hell right now like me. Right now, I'm choosing to stay alive for you guys in the hopes that I'll eventually find a reason to stay alive for myself.

I'm sorry if I created any stress among you, I feel pretty shitty posting this, like I've just wasted everyone's time and it just looks like I've been doing this for attention. I have the video of me firing my revolver off as "proof" so I guess lmk if I should post that if that makes you guys feel any better.

Also, those comments on the last post being deleted were not from me, that was either the mods or the commenters themselves.

Thank you all for what you have done for me, I was NOT expecting my last post to blow tf up to the degree that it did, so again, thank you all for your support and let me know if you guys would like another update eventually. 🖤