I regret going off of birth control

I decided in March of this year that I wanted to go off of hormonal birth control via the pill. I wanted to "meet myself" after being on it for 13 years, and I regret it so much. At first, things seemed fine; I saw a "return" of a sex drive which was actually the first time I've seen a libido in myself (having had been on it since 15), which was very exciting. But then, the acne came. And the bacne. I was suddenly exhausted all the time and started sleeping through my regular, six-days-a-week workouts. I stopped my triathlon training. I started to have headaches and nausea. My energy levels have bottomed out. I feel miserable all of the time. I easily gained ten pounds.

I recently went back on the pill after 90+ days off and now I'm facing terrible insomnia. It's been over a week on the pill and as I lay in bed at night unable to sleep, I can't help but cry out of frustration and fatigue. I regret going off of the pill, I didn't realize how much of my life was controlled (for the better) from it. I've been scrolling through this subreddit and r/askwomen for someone to have a similar experience and I feel like I'm the only one; so many of you guys are much better off of the pill, whereas I'm miserable and my life is falling apart.

Is there anyone out there, anyone at all, that can relate? I just need someone to tell me it's going to get better because honestly, I feel like I completely messed my entire life up for no good reason at all, and it's heartbreaking.

UPDATE (11/16/24)

First of all I want to thank you all for your support and sharing of your own personal accounts. A lot has changed since I posted this, so I wanted to give you all an update and clarify my timeline:

2009: Go on BC (the pill) 2016: Switch to Paraguard 2016: Go back on pill +IUD 2018: remove IUD, only on pill March 2022: stop all BC June 2023: try going back on BC (Yaz) September 2023: go off BC June 2024: try NuvaRing September: switch ring for Mini pill November 3, 2024: stop all BC

And here's where I'm at now, with the most recent update I replied to a comment:

My house got hit by a tornado on Memorial Day weekend this year. With the stress of clean up and not having utilities for almost two weeks, I said "fuck it" and went back on birth control; I couldn't be worrying about trying to fix my home AND my body. I tried NuvaRing for the first time.

When I tell you how fast my acne went away, my sleep got better, I mean it. The hair thinning is obviously going to take time, but it felt like other things had an immediate fix. I continued on the ring with no significant issues...until about two months ago.

In mid-August, I noticed my mood shifting. I felt a little less happy than I had for the last two years. Quick backstory: I have been on depression meds since I was 12 (I'm 30 now), and ADHD meds since I was 25. Last October (2023), I remember sitting in my weekly therapy session, talking about how just overwhelming happy I felt, and that I was waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' so to speak. I just thought it was a weird streak of a good mood until about January when I finally just accepted that maybe I'm in a phase of my life where my "baseline" is more of a 7/10. Even through getting dumped and the tornado, I still felt better waking up most days than I had in the last ten years.

And then this autumn came. And I found myself feeling back to the same way I had for years prior. Back then, it didn't seem so bad, but compared to the ~9 months of real happiness I was feeling, this was a very noticeable shift. Concerned that it could be the birth control, I switched to the "mini" pill, since it was no/low estrogen. September and October grew worse. I found myself starting to recluse after really coming out of my shell in May of 2022, which now I see was two months after I quit birth control the first time...

I felt like there was a fork in the road. It wasn't a definite science, but I saw the choices split right down the middle. On one side: have confidence and control over my acne, my sleep, my workout schedule, my headaches, pregnancy prevention and my cycle. On the other hand... I feel happy. I stopped taking any form of birth control on Sunday, November 3.

It has been almost a night and day difference with my mood, and instant. Is some of it in my head? I'm sure it is. But the hollow, absent feeling that weighed down my chest for the last twelve weeks is GONE. Poof. Instant. I'm hoping the acne/hair loss doesn't happen as severely again as it did before since I'm coming off of the hormones that I was on for less than six months, rather than the 13 years like last time. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself, however, for those same struggles as before.

I was ready to go back on the BC and NEVER go off of it again, until I saw how it affected my mood. Corny as it sounds, I truly had no idea what actual, consistent, baseline happiness was until the stretch of time after stopping birth control, and I'm choosing to give up everything BC gives me to get back there.

It's also worth noting that I went on BC when I was ~15, and have been treated for my depression since ~12. I'm not saying there's a direct connection between the two, but I am saying that the "normalcy" I used to face for the last 10+ years are starting to look a lot more like symptoms rather than characteristics of myself.