I will never forgive myself

The hardest part for me about this disorder is living with the bad things I’ve done. I just can’t let go, I can’t forget, and I can’t forgive myself. This illness bought me into something I’ve never wanted to be apart of. It’s made me think evil thoughts while manic that I thankfully didn’t act out on, and it’s made me do things I don’t agree with morally. It’s actually incredible how quickly bipolar can change a person from a normal state to a complete animal. That’s how I see myself, an untamed and unpredictable animal. I hate everyday. I hate thinking about the bad things I did while manic everyday knowing I can’t go back to change it and knowing it was unavoidable.