Sad

I used to be so romantic and beautiful. I used to look so good, and feel so good. I was excited for life. The person I am with is insecure and has a rage issue. He told me I was fat, when I looked great. He cheated on me with a thin, blonde, stripper, and it made me hate myself. I wanted to die. Four years later, I feel dead inside. I don't even want to have sex with him. I hate looking at myself, and I hate that I have to stay with him for the time being, because I am in school full time working towards my future. I cannot afford to leave him, and I am at the point where I just want to pack my stuff and leave. There is so much that I will miss, and it makes me so sad. We don't kiss, we don't hug, we don't have sex. He wants to, but I always make excuses. This is not how I pictured my life. I am one of the most romantic people that I know, and that all is gone right now. This is very surreal, and I don't imagine my life without him, but I cannot live like this. I have no one else to say these things to, so I figured I would just post it here. I used to write it all down, but he found my journal, and ripped it up. Idunno. I just needed to say it.