Terrible Valentine’s Day

I had such a bad night with my boyfriend for valentines. I went to his job (bartender) with my friend and he was already noticeably drunk and continued to get more so and clearly his co workers were annoyed and I felt really embarrassed but stuck it through. He wanted to go to a club after but it was getting way too late and I really just wanted to go home and I was already kinda annoyed by him.

I left and wanted him to come home with me and he said he would come home but went to the club anyway. At this point I was tipsy or more so and I got so upset he chose a club over me on valentines and he would not answer my calls or texts. I was so upset at this point I just decided to go to the club myself and find him. I then proceeded to trip and fall really bad after going to the club looking for him where my knee is very messed up and I have a mark and swelling on my face. I finally found him and asked him to please come home with me. Through some difficulty and crying we finally got home.

I was genuinely a mess and also really upset with how bad I hurt my knee and face. I was annoying him by being so upset and he hit me multiple times on my chest legs back ribs and he slapped me in the face once or twice at different points throughout the rest of the night. He kept calling me a bitch and whore and would tell me to shut up. I asked him something like why are you doing this or why are you hurting me and he said because he hates me. He kept telling me hed fuck me up so badly. I ended up sleeping down stairs and he left for work again this morning.

I can’t leave him for some reason. He’s also cheated more than once so I’m always scared of that. But I can’t leave him. I’m so scared to be alone and face the pain he’s caused all on my own. I don’t want to feel the pain I just want him to actually love me like he says he does. I feel like my body’s been through so much recently. I also feel like I have no life. I just want to be comforted and don’t want to lose him but not sure I can move on from last night.