I feel so lonely

I'm an introvert so I enjoy spending my time alone most of the time. Pero syempre that doesn't mean na I do not long for social interaction.

I have group of friends naman. Pero the reason why I am feeling lonely is because I feel na never akong magiging favorite person of anyone. If part ka ng large circle of friends, alam mo na inevitable na magkaroon ng smaller circle pa within that group, and I never became a part of the smaller circle. For example, 10 kami sa circle of friends ko nung highschool, and that group grew because we included their partners na in our group. And I am aware na minsan, nadidivide into two yung group, I am also aware na both have gcs kasi nagbabanggit nila sometime during conversation, and I am not included in both of those gcs.

Also, lately, nagmeet kami ng friends ko. Naglaro kami (will not explicitly explain na the mechanics of the game kasi hahaba pa lalo haha) the main point is, may nagtanong kung sino yung least ka vibe nila sa group. The first person answered my name. Of course I was hurt pero binrush off ko lang kasi totoo naman na onti lang common interests namin. Pero when the second person also chose me, naiyak na ko. As in di ko na napigilan umiyak. Tumatawa pa ko while crying kasi di ko personality na umiyak in front of them kaso di ko talaga kaya pigilan umiyak. Luckily the game ended there kasi di ko ata kakayanin kapag may pumili pa sakin HAHHAHAHA After nung crying moment ko, the night still continued. Acted as normal na lang kasi ayaw kong mas maging awkward pa yung situation.

Tapos kahapon din, naka out of office yung 3/7 kong teammates so 4 lang kami naiwan. Nung lunch time, naglunch out yung 3 tapos di nila ako niyaya and I felt really really bad.

Another reason why I feel so lonely is because sa tanda (24) kong to, I was never in a relationship. As in never been confessed, never been asked out. I go out naman (even went outside of my comfort zone— used dating apps) to meet new people pero wala talaga.

I think I am pretty decent naman as a person. Marami nagsasabi na I am kind. Di rin naman ako pangit kasi I also receive compliments about my looks. Di rin naman ako bobo or nakakatanga kausap. I also have hobbies and interests, considered as "basic" pa nga yung iba kong interests. I am also always present naman kapag nagmemeet circle of friends ko. I never got caught up in any drama and wala akong nakagalit ever. I know na I am socially awkward minsan kasi I am very timid pero I swear, I am trying. I am trying so so hard to start a conversation, and to meet new people. Kaya lagi talaga akong nagwowonder why no one seems to genuinely choose me as someone na gusto nilang maging friend. Para kasing ang pakiramdam ko is they're just keeping me because I am there.

Gusto ko ma-experience na ako yung unang yayayain kapag may gusto silang puntahan, or ako yung una nilang tatawagan kapag may gusto silang mapagkwentuhan. Lately I've been feeling na last option lang ako.

I really need to vent this out kasi I have been crying about this for nights. Anyway, thank you for reading this long post. I hope di ka nakakarelate sakin because the feeling really sucks.