I have a wonderful nonbinary child, I need advice to help me get past a couple of hang-ups, please.

My second child is nonbinary. We adore them and they are thriving in their first year of high school. Other than study habits, I wouldn’t change a thing about them.

But I’m still trying to work on a couple of biases and hangups I have. Really, just two. Please be kind; I think being open about my own biases is the only way I will be able to work on them.

First, I am struggling with the they/them pronouns. I have a trans nephew and had no difficulty at all transiting over to masculine pronouns. But perhaps it is because he wasn’t my child whom I spoke with and about every single day. Also (so sorry) using they/them feels so inauthentic when I use them. Almost performative? I don’t know how to describe it. Can anyone else relate? I know it is not about MY comfort, and I am working on it. But I would love tips, perspectives, or advice to help me get on board.

Second, my child’s government name is quite feminine, so it makes sense that they would like to find a name that better reflects who they are. My problem is that they have chosen a name I very much dislike. That’s sounds terrible, I know. But when they were only 10 years old, they decided to use a name of a famous Minecraft YouTuber. Think Ranboo. It wasn’t until this year that they began using it as their preferred name at school. I just dislike it so, so much.

So now I find myself inconsistently using appropriate pronouns and constantly correcting myself. I often find myself using pet names like Kiddo rather than their preferred names.

I am working on this. I would do anything to let them know they are adored, respected, and supported. But I don’t really have a community of parents in similar circumstances, and I was hoping strangers on the internet could give me some guidance.

Thank you for your help.