Am I wrong?
So I married my wife 3 years ago. I spent for the marriage without my family knowing it. My wife had some gold ornaments which was given to her as gifts. Her family isn't well of and without a father. So, that's why I took the responsibility of the expenses of the marriage. My wife is house wife. Her mom is on pension money from her dad. Sister is merely working for 4000 rupees per month. And she does not want to go to a job after she gets married.
Situation:
Now her sister wants to get married. My wife asked me how much can we do. I told I could give 50k for her marriage. But she insisted 1 lakh, in the end I agreed. Now her sister wants to get married to a guy outside India. I am okay with that because it's her life.
Note: I was working as a developer past 6 years but now I am unemployed from past 7 months. The money I earned went into my education loan and marriage and the savings I have now is for current expenses and emergency.
Problem:
- My wife wants to give all the gold to her sister and says like she will give it back. But the groom side is basically is asking for gold to be given.
- I don't trust that her sister can give it back. Because if a guys family is specifically asking for gold, then they won't let her give. Basically I don't trust the groom family to just let her sister give away the things.
- I bought the gold for my wife and I want it to be with her ( only the gold I bought her, the gifted gold I am not talking about). So, I told her give the gold for the marriage, but after that she has to return it back and not take with her.
The last point blasted into a full fledged fight. My wife started to say that I am mean and I dont care for her sister and I am. Behind gold. I am hurt because every month for some expenses j send money to their family. Now when she said this I felt so hurt because I did so much and for this reason they are blaming me. They want to put responsibility of the marriage on me. Right now I am jobless and my savings are going. In this situation my wife also asked me to ask 10 lakhs from others for marriage.
My wife is saying now she does not want to stay with me. She won't wear the gold ever again that I bought her and I can keep the gold for myself. She is not able to understand me at all. I can understand it's her sisters life, but when she is saying such things there is also our marriage and our life in it.
Am I wrong here to say that the gold should stay with my wife ? Am I wrong to be hurt ?
Edit: I love my wife and she also loves me. She wants to be a house wife and I am okay with it. I don't wanna force her. But her family situation is making her stressed. She always wants to help them. I can understand her. But I want her to understand me as well. I think she will be so much happier if her family does not bother her with problems and put things on her.
Edit2: Thanks everyone for your inputs 🙏. I stood my ground and wife understood it that it's my decision in the end. She took her time. I am able to understand her worries. They have planned to take loan from others. I hope with this I will be slowly able to make my wife understand fully how things work and to think more about our family. I will keep things updated here, when it comes up again. And I am damn sure this will come up as the marriage might happen this year. To anyone else who is facing issues, I learnt that no matter how bad situation is, as time goes wounds heal and things will work out. Stay strong.