Getting engaged and buying a house has left me feeling numb and sad

I lost my mum around 4 years ago to cancer. I was 19 at the time and found it really hard to deal with. I quit my job, broke up with my partner and became a bit of a recluse.

A few months after I was able to go back to a new job, found an incredible partner and seemed like o was on the mend and doing much better.

Recently, my partner proposed and I said yes! We’ve now also began the stages of buying a property. I am so excited and beyond happy for us, however I can’t feel or display that.

The night my partner proposed i cried myself to sleep because all I wanted to do was call my mum and tell her the news. I feel as though I have a lot of unresolved grief from how traumatic it was during her diagnosis and death.

I’ve been struggling and distracted to a point it’s began to affect my work abilities and managers have pointed it out to me, checking in to make sure I’m okay.

I’ve began the steps of going to see a grief counsellor, however I feel anxious. I don’t do well with talking about my feelings. I grew up with 3 brothers, a dad and a mum who never expressed emotions. I find it difficult to express how I feel to my best of friends, let alone a stranger.

I’m just really asking for advice on how to navigate this?