Im so disgusted by my ex finally

Do not reach out to them! If they wanted to or were capable of coming back, they will. The only thing reaching out does is prolong your own pain.

Not to be conceited I’m just being honest but I am the best that man has ever had and will ever get. He ran away from me because he was so insecure. He is a textbook true avoidant, not just oh he has a hard time with feelings, a true avoidant. He pretended for so long with me, tricked me into thinking he was a much better man than he is. I think he wanted to be that man, but just isn’t. I loved him, so deeply.

After he left me out of thin air I reached back out to him a month later. He accepted the request but didn’t respond. I thought he just was thinking about it, I knew he had a hard time with emotions, and I loved him, so I thought he just needed a bit of space maybe some reassurance. I reached out to him, so patient and so loving, once-twice a month for 4 months straight. He didn’t even read them for weeks, then when he did he never responded. During this time I saw him spying on me, once in person but mostly online (sounds a little creepy but he’s not scary he’s just a coward). I saw him listening to heartbreak music, rarely let himself I think, but when he did it was true heartbreak music. I thought he was just having a rough time and needed more love (stupid, I know).

I just found out that the entire time I was reaching out to him he was going on dates from random women he met online. I was giving him so many easy opportunities to just let me know if the door is closed, I told him it’s okay if it is just let me know, and he didn’t. He let me wait and wonder and twist in the wind and still love him while he was going out with literally anyone. And I saw some of the people he was going out with, I’m sure these women are fabulous, but I know him, he picked them because he feels superior to them and his ego is hurt.

I considered if he was dating or not, I really did, but I truly thought he wouldn’t do that. At least not so soon while ignoring me.

This man pretended so hard with me while we were together, and I still think his feelings for me were genuine he just couldn’t keep it up. I am still in shock that this entire time I’ve been agonizing over what he’s thinking he’s been dating for his ego and couldn’t even let me down easily or even just block me. It would have taken one single sentence.

And I know, he was single he’s totally allowed to date if he wants. But this is someone who supposedly loved me, and I still believe in his own twisted way he does, and he let me twist in the wind for that long when he could’ve ended it with one simple honest sentence.

Honestly you think you know someone. I’m almost grateful I found this out because the illusion is just gone. He’s such a coward. Moral of the story is just don’t reach out, if they want to they will. And if they’re avoidant just RUN