[1208], The Hunt, YA Fantasy.

Hi everyone! This is my first submission here and also my first time trying to write creatively in years lol. Anyway, below are just some extra details about the context of this scene, and about what critiques I think might be most helpful :)

The Hunt: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DOV0iJQMIYIB5LUeSGf003OqcbcnUcPH2RE2QsWMJuU/edit?usp=sharing

This is supposed to be the opening chapter to a story I'd like to write. Context for the story: In this world, people are either 'herbivores' or 'carnivores'. Herbivores have flat teeth and can only eat plants. They are seen as lesser. Carnivores have sharp teeth and can only eat meat. They tend to act as the ruling class. The main character in my book is a carnivore, but she lives with a herbivore family and pretends to be one of them (with false teeth lol).

For critiques, I think I need help with wording, especially. In anything I write, I tend to be verbose and use overly fancy language (something I've just learned is called 'purple prose' lol). So, please point out places where the language goes overboard trying to be fancy! Or where it slows down the pacing!

Secondly, I want to know if this is a good enough point to start my story. Are you hooked? Is there even a hook? Is the whole scene too long and drawn out? Do you need more world-building, more characters, or more action?

Any other feedback is also welcome! Line-by-line or general critiques are both very appreciated!

To anyone who takes the time to read and critique my work, you have no idea how grateful I am! As a pretty much complete beginner, feedback is so valuable and I really want to improve!

My critique (or at least the post it is critiquing): https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1cenm3g/1810_black_backpacks_part_1/