I fucked up

After a month of controlling myself from stalking her, I went on tumblr yesterday. Saw some posts, missed her, expected. Today I went again. She was posting specific sexual posts that obviously indicated it was about her new partner. I kept my eyes glued because hey, we love pain right? I got triggered so bad that I couldn't control myself and sent her a message on there. She immediately blocked me. Felt like my heart was wrenched out and here I am having a panic attack and feeling the shittiest I ever have in my life. This is a new level of pain honestly.

Its been 5 months since the breakup and 4 months since no contact. I feel like I just reset myself, all these months are wasted and it's going to take me years to recover from this.

I don't know how she could move on and fall in love so fast