read if you need advice on your breakup:)
I am in no way completely healed but I just wanted to share some ways that I’m coping that are helping me so I can possibly help someone else out there struggling. Little context: I was in a 2 year relationship that ended 5 months ago
Everytime I want to text him I type it out in a note on my phone. I pretend I’m texting him and text all my feelings sometimes even 4 in one day if it’s really bad. I end up going back and rereading things I wrote days before and realize that my emotions are constantly changing and remind myself not to text him by showing myself how some days I’m so angry and some days I’m so sad and some days I just want him. Recognizing how quickly my emotions shift daily has helped me realize that even if I texted him I may not feel the same way the next day and might regret it.
Gym. I used to just go to the gym maybe 1-2 times a week and never took it seriously but now that I’m out of the relationship I’m in the gym 5 times a week with weekends off. I make sure to go everyday because it brings healthy endorphins into my body just kind of forcing me to be happy. At first I didn’t want to do it but just remind yourself that it takes 21 days to build a habit and eventually it will become a part of your routine and just something natural that your body loves you for. At first I didn’t see results but after months of doing it consistently I look at my body and feel my best self and it helps to know I’m building a body that he hasn’t and will never touch again.
Try not to sleep around immediately. I’ve learned from past breakups that rebounds do not work and they just make you crave them more majority of the time. I think this is because for me I crave love and loved the deeper connection I felt when I had sex with him and that’s something you build with someone overtime. The first time you sleep with someone isn’t going to be as fulfilling as someone you’ve slept with thousands of times before. Just try to wait until you’re healed or just don’t compare your rebound to your ex or expect them to be any better than something you built for so long
Keep busy. I find when I’m not working as much or have a lot of free time I spiral more and more but when I’m super busy I’ll wear myself out and not think about him as much.
Understanding attachment style theory. If you don’t know what this is it’s okay because I just found out about this and it changed my entire perspective on myself and how I am in relationships. There are 4 different types of attachment styles that stem from your early childhood and or trauma and present themselves into how you are in your adult relationships. I have an anxious attachment style and after finding this out I’ve done so much research figuring out how to change that into a more secure attachment style so that I only attract partners that are healthy for me.
Books and podcasts. Please message me if you would like some recommendations on these.
Therapy. I just started therapy and after trying all of the above I still felt a sense of loneliness and incapability to problem solve on my own. I realized I can only rely on my friends and family so much for advice but I’m in constant need of reassurance and knew that it’s time I seek help elsewhere. Like I said I just started and only had to sessions but I already feel a lot more confident and content in myself.
If you need any help with anything please feel free to reach out. I’m the type of person that finds joy in giving to others and I think that’s why I stayed in relationships where I was giving more than receiving but I just want you to know that I’m here for you and you’re not alone in your breakup even tho you may feel like it and you may feel like going back to your ex but there is a reason you’re not with them anymore and in most cases it’s because you’re meant for something else out there. It may feel easier to just go back to them but that’s because the hardest things in life are not easy even though they may be the best for you.