Inability to poop without using fingers

On 2020, i faced a problem where i cannot poop for few days to the point that my stomach become very keras and im not able to move. Went to a clinic and the doctor was a very old chinese and have hearing problem. Instead of giving me pills to help me poop, he gave me pills to stop me from pooping which makes my problems became worse.

Went to hospital emergency instead and they give me few pills including douche (its called prime anema or smtg i dont remember). I was 20 that time and was so scared to used it but after i used them it gave me such a relief. I pooped so much and that was the first time something was inserted in my anus.

I became addicted (not sure correct word or not) to it (in a way of i cannot poop without having my fingers digging my anus to help the shit came out. I literally cannot poop this day or have my anus open by itself without using my finger. So for about 5 years, i poop everyday with the help of my fingers as i cannot do it by myself.

I had an*l in shower with my bf few weeks ago and he really enjoyed it. But he was suprised that i wasn't 'in pain' and not bleed at all for first timer. I was a virgin so i lied to him and said that there were blood but it was so little and run through by water. Now i kinda feel sad because that's mean i kinda become loose anally.

Anyone can advice me on how to poop again without using fingers?

I do weightlifting 4 times a week so im able to poop it just that i cannot do it without using my finger

Edit : guys im being serious rn. Why no one wnna help me,😭