My BPD betrayal story (SFW vers)

My BPD betrayal story

I’d like to tell a story about my pwBPD boyfriend (39M). (Yes, boyfriend, not ex.)

I fell in love with him after he gave me intense attention, gifts, his time, his kindness etc. He told me he loved me and pretty soon I feel in love with him too. The problem was there was another girl in the picture. Long story short, I met up with her after months of us in turmoil and it turns out he was pitting us against each other. She GTFO but I am embarrassed to say I forgave him and decided to give him a chance.

Five years later (this was a year and a half ago) I found out he was sending inappropriate sexual messages/pictures to one of his female friends (married, who I met and hung out with a couple of times) for over a year. It wasn’t sexting… but it was deeply deeply inappropriate especially as I told him on three separate occasions I was really upset about him talking to her about sexual things. Once he told me she sent a picture of a dildo she bought and he mentioned they were laughing about it together because it was too big. But even after I communicated how that made me really uncomfortable and I asked him to stop, as well as two other similar instances, he continued to do it and worse, the things they said to each other and pictures they sent to each other were much more explicit. To give context, the word “sex” came up between them over 200 times, which was close to the count between him and me (his actual sexual partner). The pictures were so explicit (images including of women in orgasm, women being penetrated, or exposing genitalia and he said things like Him apologizing for being a “horndog” with her encouraging him to continue “I’ve always wanted to fuck a bunny girl” “I embraced being a pervert. Turns out women like that anyways”. I feel so disgusted. He was also the most “out of control” when I was bedridden with COVID.

That’s not even the bad part. The worst part is after he confessed to everything, he started to gaslight me by sending his friends the most innocent of the sex-related images and told them I broke up with him over something so trivial. I regret he was so willing to tarnish my reputation even though I haven't done anything to deserve it.  He was so appalled by the statement that he “emotionally cheated” on me. And instead of consoling me or apologizing for his behavior, he offloaded his guilt/shame by downplaying the severity of the scenario. I regret that he was so willing to go to great lengths to invalidate this extremely hurtful experience that has happened to me. I thought I was the love of his life.

I broke up with him over this, got back with him recently but my heart has been shattered and hasn’t been the same since. I really thought he could change because people do change. I think I am writing all this out to help me move on….

it’s been so much drama and I wonder if I made the wrong decision for myself. I’d like to share some of the awful things I’ve experienced between the betrayal stories above: * he lied to be about experiencing IBS pains but he was just trying to get away to talk to girl who he pitted me against * he tried to get me to be jealous and “fight other women” for him in bed as a fantasy even though I told him it made me uncomfortable * other disregard for my sexual boundaries * he bragged about being w/ a girl who was barely 18 * he mentioned to me less than a year ago he wanted to re-buy something he bought the girl (the one he pitted against me) to put in the house and he was bewildered why I was triggered. * he grabbed my belly once and laughed at it (I’m like 5’3 and 130lb and athletic wtf) * told me my face was “ugh” under certain lighting * was enthusiastic about an ex who, during sex drooled a lot and was obsessed about anal * he blew up on me when I kindly asked for him to ask me before opening my mail. * he’s constantly gaslighting me by making everything about my autism * he’s overly enthusiastic about how gorgeous women are or his ex’s e.g. an ex’s hourglass shape