The Dilemma of a Stable Relationship

Out of my serious exes, 2 of them had BPD. I've noticed that the pwBPDs had key traits in the relationship that for some reason break what is expected of a normal relationship.

The pushing away and the pulling close became something I didn't only endure, but engaged in. I think with one partner the key was I was in a perpetual chase for basic reciprocation, and the second, the relationship wasn't real/genuine at its core because the man she loved wasn't completely me. Both situations led to a lot of back and forth.

Those days where I was pulled close were so special and the times where things were stable and happy were so rare that I think I was hooked into those good moments and felt the hard times were worth it.

When it came to those relationships with those two pwBPD, it was either honeymoon phase or nothing.

Now, I'm in a relationship with an old coworker of mine, and it's been stable since it's beginning as friends. After 6 months, the honeymoon phase is far over, and the relationship is stable and I'm moving in with her, partly due to financial struggle from losing my old job, partly because I'm over here every night anyways.

I think the stability has me feeling...bored? In a way I wonder if I'm doubting if my love for her is as real as it was for the pwBPD. It's taking a while to realize that those two experiences weren't normal. I didn't act normal, they didn't act normal, and they were learning experiences.

But I don't know how to replicate such intense feelings of love in a stable relationship. Does that mean the intense BPD-laced honeymoon love is a false form of a relationship? Is love a choice and action, or is it still only an emotion and not feeling it as intensely a bad thing?