Need to vent it out sorry

I am exhausted. Their feelings are always the center of everything, i spend hours every day to reassure, to comfort, to support for them to deny it (saying they pick themselves up by themsleves because...their first instinct is to isolate and not talk... except that doesnt make them feel better at all so like doubt that is "picking yourself up"), but then when I have a problem or a feeling it is just burdening them "knowing youre sad (about their actions) makes me anxious" or they decide how i am feeling after they hurt me when i dont even get to SAY what i am feeling. Today they hurt me sending a certain text and i started sobbing uncontrollably because it is since yesterday i could feel the meanness was gonna strike and i felt stupid for trying to convince myself to not be paranoid, i didnt reply for 2 min and i got immediayely a "nothing to say??" And then "ok." With the dot of disappointment "i know youre angry but it is unfair." I wjsh i could have told them im fucking sobbing you asshole i couldnt even feel my feelings 2 minutes. I am so tired why do i not have enough self respect to block them? I know it feels like nothing big. It is no real abuse. But it feels dehumanizing. I feel like i exist judt to comfort them but what i feel what i need what i want is never a real thing in the relation with them. And frankly it is arriving to the point where they make me want to kill myself but i will not tell them ofc because 1. I dont want to drop such a bomb it is too heavy to say it to people and i dont want them to be hurt 2. I feel i would just get accused to say this to be manipulative or would have it used against me (they already used my depression against me...ignoring i got depressed cause of the hot/cold on/off bullshit they pulled) and i do not want to manipulate anyone into caring or changing behaviors. I genuinely just wish they realized that they cant always hurt me and then expect me to bounce back.