AITA for asking my trans brother to be my “bridesman?”

My (27 F) brother “Jake” (fake name; 25 M) transitioned from female to male three years ago. I was and am completely supportive of him.

I am getting married next year, and I’ve been gathering my bridesmaid team. My twin sister is going to be my maid of honor, and it was also important for me to have Jake with me at the alter. So, I asked Jake if he would be my “bridesman” and be part of my side of the wedding party. I didn’t think it would be an issue at all, but Jake freaked out.

Jake said that he should be a groomsman for my fiancé because he doesn’t want to be seen with my bridesmaids (all 3 of whom are girls) because people will just think he was a girl. He accused me of asking him to be a bridesman because I still thought of him as a girl, which isn’t true.

I explained to him that it didn’t make any sense for him to stand by my fiancé because they’ve only met a handful of times, and my fiancé already has the budget-approved number of groomsmen. And besides, Jake is MY brother, and I want him to stand by and support me during the wedding. Plus, before Jake transitioned, I always planned to include him in my wedding. So why should his gender change anything about that?

I see his argument that it might make him feel dysphoric, but having bridesmen is becoming a more common tradition. Besides, he has a beard and he’d be wearing a suit, so there’s no way anyone would think he was a girl.

Jake and I fought back and forth for a while, and I finally snapped and told him he couldn’t be in the wedding at all if he didn’t want to stand on my side. He called me an asshole, and it made me feel awful. I guess I needed to vent about it to strangers, so AITA?

Edit: he’s still invited to the wedding as a guest, I just told him he can’t be in the wedding party if he’s not a bridesman